August 6, 2020, - DAY 37
Just a bunch of funny thoughts for the day........
I joined a meeting at WFSyesterday. My sober coach challenged me to add some meetings to my tool kit (which didn't have to be AA- I will get into that another day, maybe). It was on a last minute whim - ok, there's a meeting at 7am, it's 6;55 am - what else are you doing? I had my camera off when I joined, and then one by one, other women joined, all with their cameras on (of course). I turned mine on and didn't shrivel up and die. I like their 30 minute meetings. I looked at SMART recovery last night. I signed up and have to write my intro before I can engage. I will do that today. It seems their meetings look to be 1-1/2 hours, so that won't be a spontaneous thing I do. Which of course is ok, just different.
Yesterday my colleague, and only 'employee' quit without any notice because she is taking a personal stand against the mask wearing culture. I spent the day cleaning up after her and trying to figure out how I will get 2 jobs done for the next while. After work was the first time in 36 days I 'felt' like a glass of wine. No huge physical craving. Just more like, what a challenging emotional day, I DESERVE a glass of wine. My 'wise one' daughter happened to be home sunning herself on the deck and came in when I got home. I said out loud, boy today is a day I sure would like a nice cold glass of wine haha. She chuckled and proceeded to go to my new 'drink cupboard' and recommended a nice drink with my new 'spirits'. They are herb-y flavorings which I'm sure you're all familiar with (Seelip etc). They add a nice zip to my soda once in a while. So that's what I had, I joined her on the deck, and then it passed and I thoroughly enjoyed my evening and went to bed too late haha.
Tonight I am going to a dear friend's house for a walk and then a nice visit on her deck. I already have a giant bottle of San Pellegrino chilling and will take a bunch of sliced limes. I am treating that drink as "special' so I have something different to look forward to when I go out. Is that weird?
Is it also weird that I continuously zoom in on photos on social media to see what/if people are drinking? Is it the ego in me that wants to judge people as drinkers, or maybe the hopeful in me that wants confirmation that life's wonderful moments (because of course that's the ONLY thing shared on social media!!) can be enjoyed with sparkling water..... It seems a little obsessive, hopefully I get past this weird thing.
I love that now I am measuring my success in terms of 10 day chunks! Yes, my ultimate goal is 100 days (and beyond!) but like my husband does with losing weight (just 4 times to lose 5 pounds haha), I only have (almost) 6 more times of 10 days! For some reason, 40 seems sooo much longer than 30.
So -that's about all of my musings for this glorious Thursday which also happens to be hubby's payday. So nice to be able to move money to savings KNOWING it will stay there and not have to be transferred back because we just drank too much before the next payday.
I hope someone out there is enjoying this and getting some sense of somebody out there knowing what you're going through. xox