July 3, 2020 - DAY 3
Updated: Aug 20, 2021
Telling my daughter was the scariest thing so far..........
On my glorious way to day 3! I've been here before, and I'm still in this state of 'euphoria' that I finally QUIT thinking about quitting and actually stopped. So far I don't have those 'flu like' feelings and I think, if memory serves, that could actually happen later today ...... but we'll see.
I told my youngest (23) yesterday that I was doing 'dry July'. (I still don't have the guts to think I can actually make it longer). In any case, in the last year or so she has taken my husband aside and told him her concerns about our drinking, in the most honest, loving way. She didn't tell me directly because she is so fiercely proud of me as a mom and I think she didn't want to hurt my feelings. Which is completely ironic because I raised my kids to be able to tell me anything, and well, you get it...... so I was hurt. Ridiculous I know.
Long story, long..... she threw her arms around me telling me how absolutely proud she was of me. That she thinks I am the most amazing role model always trying to be the best version of my self. In that moment of pure love and acceptance I found the most pride and shame at the same time. She continued to say that she knows it won't be easy and assured me that even if I had a drink it wouldn't be failing, that it's a process. 23? Like seriously?
After telling my one friend on the first day and my daughter yesterday, I really don't feel like announcing it to the world anymore (Well, except to the entire world in an anonymous blog...) which is sort of weird because I'm a self-deprecating extrovert and without actually telling people I have a drinking problem, I usually would proclaim with pride that I am doing dry July, like I'm part of some type of higher-than-thou club. Not this time, however. This time feels more fragile. More precious. More private. More permanent maybe......