JULY 14, 2020 - DAY 14 Waking up without Self-Loathing
Updated: Aug 20
Up until 14 days ago I would awaken each morning..........
and the moment I open my eyes I would ask myself “ok, how much was it last night?” I would shuffle to the kitchen, look beside my coffee pot to see if I had left any trace of red wine in the bottle. Because if I left any at all, that would be a sure sign to me that I knew I could quit drinking at any time, that I certainly had control because I left wine in the bottle. I asked my mother once, a recovering alcoholic of 30 years, why she considered herself an alcoholic. She told me that once there was a bottle of wine open she wouldn’t stop until it was empty. So mypersonal quest over the last dozens of years has been to make sure I never finish a bottle of wine so I never have to truly look at myself and my drinking behavior. After looking at my wine bottle I would then go to the recycling to see how how much money my husband and I were going to add to our recycling fund. I usually cringed at the thought of all the bottles gathering in my garage and occasionally wondered what my (adult) children thought when they saw these bottles. But they were just wine bottles, they weren’t hard liquor so we were just part of our regular drinking culture right? What a load of bullshit. This morning I woke up, and the first thing I thought was holy shit you made it another day! I trudged to the kitchen And celebrated that there weren’t any bottles of wine, partly full or empty to speak of anywhere in my kitchen. My sober coach gave me I gigantic tip of ensuring I had a replacement drink to go to at my witching hours and recommended that bitter is better. What I’ve noticed on this feed is that Canadians are certainly not giving up their drink yet because there are not a lot of no alcohol options for us here compared to all the fabulous AF options I see in the UK. Regardless,@fentimansltd has given me several options for me to look forward to at the end of my day and I actually admit that I look forward to it! 2 weeks under my wine belt and am overwhelmed with gratitude